module Shakerspeare

# File lib/shakerspeare.rb, line 21
def self.insult
  insults = ['Thou art like a toad; ugly and venomous.', 'You scullion! You rampallian! You fustilarian! I’ll tickle your catastrophe!', 'Methink’st thou art a general offence and every man should beat thee.', 'Your virginity breeds mites, much like a cheese.', 'Thine face is not worth sunburning.']

  return insults[rand(insults.length) -1]
end

# File lib/shakerspeare.rb, line 4
def self.sonnet
  return 'Since brass, nor stone, nor earth, nor boundless sea,
        But sad mortality o’ersways their power,
        How with this rage shall beauty hold a plea,
        Whose action is no stronger than a flower?
        O, how shall summer’s honey breath hold out
        Against the wrackful siege of battering days,
        When rocks impregnable are not so stout,
        Nor gates of steel so strong, but Time decays?
        O fearful meditation! Where, alack,
        Shall Time’s best jewel from Time’s chest lie hid?
        Or what strong hand can hold his swift foot back?
        Or who his spoil of beauty can forbid?
           O, none, unless this miracle have might,
           That in black ink my love may still shine bright.'
end